Unspoken words

Have you ever been in something that was almost a relationship, but never really materialized into one? There was something from both sides but no one ever said anything and then just like that, you drifted apart. You were sad about it but sad about what exactly, you don’t know. You think about what could have been, but what it would have been, you’ll never know.

The worst part is that this was not one sided. It was there, felt by both of you, but the timing was wrong. You don’t even know what to make of it, what to share to make your heart feel lighter. You want it to happen, and this time you want to make an effort. But will there be this time ever again? Will there be a second chance?

You have imagined many perfect scenarios in your mind, where it turned into a happily ever after. And it pierces your heart to snap back into reality, knowing that this perfect little scenario is just a figment of your imagination, and is almost as unreal and non-existent as the magic world. Maybe somewhere in your heart, you will choose to find out what it could have been over getting into Hogwarts for one day. Because you are intrigued by the mere possibility. That it could have been. Maybe you just want to live like that for one day to convince yourself that it was not a good idea in the first place and that’s the reason that it did not happen, that you did not lose out on something beautiful.

But can you? Can you ever stop wondering about it? Can you ever get over it?

Ladakh, you beauty!

We are not travellers, but we aren’t tourists as well. With the feeling of exploring the unexplored in our hearts yet going and visiting those places that are in everybody’s checklist, while enjoying the beauty of the nature and taking their snapshot in our minds but also wanting a good picture of our own against that scenery, we fail to fall in either one of the category. But this category of our own usually leads to the most memorable and most comfortable trips ever! This is a story of one of the most picturesque location that I have been to.

DAY 1
The flight from Delhi to Leh was our first ever flight to the mountains, thus we were startled at first to see how mountains could pop out from the clouds (a particular person even refused to believe that they were mountains for a large amount of time!). Landing in Leh, we were afraid that we might face breathing problems, but thanks to a friend who had been to Leh a million number of times before, we were well prepared for that and had taken medication so nothing happened.

We stayed at hotel Himalayan Villa, which was at a walking distance from the market.

There was some local sight seeing on the first day, Leh palace and some monastery. But the only thing that I saw was how exotic that place was, with deserted mountains and some white colored buildings all around.

Ending the day while sitting on the edge of some tea shop, our feet rested on the side of the wall, some slow music on, hot beverages and Maggi, a local lady singing some folk song in an amazing voice, and just watching the sun set. In the entire trip, I think that was one moment which was completely unplanned, spontaneous, real, and the most relaxing. We had just stopped there for tea and had to go and visit the Shanti Stupa, but we were unable to get up after settling down. We didn’t plan to watch the sunset, we just did because we were there.

DAY 2
We left for Pangong the next day. On the way, we came across the famous school in the movie 3 Idiots, known by the name Rancho’s school post the movie. We also passed the Changla Pass, one of the highest motorable passes in the world. That was one of those moments in the entire trip when oxygen became rare, and we only stopped for a moment to click a picture.

The way in which the scenery changed at every turn, it was exhilarating. Nobody slept on that long journey from Leh to Pangong, with music and that beautiful view keeping us awake the entire time. So the moment the mighty Pangong Tso came into view, we could not control our excitement. We came across many water bodies on the entire trip, but nothing could beat the rich blue color of Pangong. Situated in the middle of brown mountains, that lake made the entire place colorful.
We camped there at Blue Waters camps. Not the best idea in the world because none of us could sleep properly the entire night, but they were sure as hell the best (read spacious and beautiful) camps ever! If only the place had been a little warmer and a little less remote. Due to the sleepless night, everyone was up for sunrise the next day. All the sleepy heads, all the people who always wake up in the morning to watch the sunrise but then give up and go back to sleep, each one of us was up in the morning. And then it took 1.5 hour for the sun to actually rise! There is no sunrise point on Pangong and yet we sat on the chairs, in front of our tent, and waited for the sun in that cold morning, just because we could!

DAY 3
We left for Nubra Valley post the failed attempt at watching the sunrise (mind you, the view failed us). Pangong to Nubra was the worst car ride ever. There were so many bumps on the road and so I tried to sleep the entire time. We stayed in a guesthouse named Olgok in Nubra Valley. The guesthouse had a beautiful garden in front of it. And they served us home cooked Daal, Paneer and Roti! It’s so good to get home cooked meal in the middle of nowhere! We went to see the double humped camels of the cold deserts that day. Some people were very very very scared to ride the camel, but it’s good that others motivated them and everyone went to take the small 10 minutes safari together. Though I am never ever doing it again.

We found a small cafe nearby, Born Fire Cafe, and they had a small tree house in the middle! It was a fresh breath of air in a rather unhappening locality, with a good ambience. We sat there, played cards, had pizza and hot beverages. That night finally we got a good night’s sleep.

DAY 4
The next day, we left for Leh from Nubra, while stopping in the middle for ATV ride. The moment that stood out was when the bikes were taken atop the sand dunes! It was almost similar to some rollercoaster ride! We also went to Penamic for hot water springs, but apparently they just have some closed man made bath tub and not some nature surrounded natural spring. So we just came back to Leh.

On the way back, there was one moment when we were listening to some songs, I was sitting with a friend in the rear seat of the car, we were singing along, and just enjoying the view. And that’s that. I was just doing that in that moment. And both of us just stopped at one point, and discussed this and felt so happy about living in the moment! That is the first time ever when I have lived in the moment and realized that (I think most of the times I have not realized when I did that) and it made me so happy that such a thing actually exists!

We also passed the Khardung La Pass on the way, another one of the highest motorable passes in the world.

We just explored the Leh market that day. There was one cafe on the corner of the street, it was very beautiful. The man on the counter was a little cute too :P.

DAY 5
The next day, we went to see Sangam point, which wasn’t very beautiful due to the lack of colors in the rivers. But the Gurudwara that came on the way had the tastiest food I could ever ask for. The prasad ka halwa was love!!

We also went to see the parade at the hall of fame in the evening, which filled us with a feeling of patriotism. It was a beautiful trip indeed and a good note to end the trip.

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We had with us a crazy ass photographer, with the energy level of either a kid or an old grumpy grandpa, who could say the randomest stupid thing any time of the day.

We had with us a sick person(like literally she was sick on the entire trip) eating a new medicine everyday, scared of small things every night and still active enough to make fun of everyone else during the day and keep everyone lively

We had with us the trip enthusiast, who collected every small memory with her, from tickets to amazing landscapes in the camera lens, and the best dj of the trip

We had with us the mom, who used to wake up every morning without complain (others used to complain), the person who had to take a bath twice a day even in the coldest of weathers, and would adjust to every little thing

We had with us the person who kept on scolding everyone all the time, and yet was the only person on the entire trip who cried because she was scolded for a change

We had with us the cool headed person who did not worry about anything, will cook up facts if someone else is worried, and managed to enjoy the trip without her phone also!

Such diverse personalities, and such amazing people! It was a trip where we did not get high on liquor, weed or even our phones (someone really wanted the latter though!). It’s always amazing to travel with a group, and a group of girls is always the best!

A letter to the person I once loved

I don’t remember who you are anymore, nor do I remember the person who once loved you.

I don’t remember those good memories that we shared together, just those moments in which I hated you.

I don’t remember the feeling of blood rush when I was starting to fall in love with you, but I can easily relive the moments when I had the pangs of extreme anger over something that you said/did.

But I sometimes try to remember what it was like when I loved you…

I remember how you came before everything and everyone else for me,

I remember getting out of any gathering/outing if that meant another minute together with you.

I remember how a shy person like me could let her crazy out in front of you,

I remember how I had to tell you every minor detail of my day before falling asleep.

I remember laughing at your silly jokes and making you laugh too,

I remember our stupid innocent fights, and the big ones too, and how we always made up after that.

I remember not caring about the world while walking by your side, your hand in mine,

I remember how eating the same boring thing at the same boring restaurant with you every day was my idea of a perfect date,

I remember pouring out all my love for you in ink in the numerous letters I have written to you.

I remember crying my heart out when things started to go wary and when you refused to talk to me,

I remember waiting every night for your call and then crying myself to sleep,

I remember how that innocent love turned into something that tortured me day and night.

I remember finally giving up on our love after hundreds of tries to win you back,

I remember these things by the face of it but cannot recall the feelings behind them anymore,

I remember that I loved you once but I do not remember what it was like to love you anymore.

I wish I could fly …

Being someone who is constantly worried about every little inconvenience in life, I find flights very soul stirring. And it’s not because I am traveling to some holiday destination or going home, it’s because of a completely different reason.

No matter how hard I try, I always have to check my phone in every 5 mins. Even if I switch off the internet, I will go back, turn it on and scroll through Instagram or play some stupid game. If not that, I am talking to someone or maybe waiting for someone’s reply or to be completely honest, avoiding someone. But somehow connected and affected by my phone.

On the other hand, I just don’t know how to leave my office in office. At the back of mind, I am thinking about the mail that I have to reply to tomorrow or thinking whether the code change that I made today is breaking something or not. Or maybe thinking about something that I said today and if someone might have taken it the wrong way. Or pondering over something hurtful that someone said to me. Thinking about all the unfinished work whose deadline is fast approaching, whilst knowing that I am not even going to put some extra effort into it.

But when I feel the wheels of the aeroplane leave the earth, I have this feeling that all my baggage has been left behind on earth. For the next few hours, I am unreachable completely and well, I cannot reach out to anyone as well. So I cannot worry about my work, about my Instagram feed, nothing. Nobody is going to call me, no breaking code can reach me and force me to do something about it. I just sit, stare outside the window (if on some lucky day I manage to get the window seat without paying extra bucks) and just listen to some good music. And all the disturbing thoughts just don’t cross my mind at all. Nothing matters during those few precious minutes. I have actually seen how book reading also becomes so easy on flights. The lyrics and the music of songs suddenly become all the more beautiful and deep. I just feel so calm and I dread coming down, coming back to earth. I wish I could keep flying just like that, with nothing bothering me anymore…

Moving on.

What exactly is moving on? Is it when you stop thinking about someone you broke up with? Accepting the reality and making room for someone new to enter your life, if a situation comes?

I am shifting to a new apartment and hence got down to the task of packing my things. I have the habit of not throwing away things easily and keeping them with me, be it letters written by friends or lovers, old clothes, anything. I have had some pair of jeans and T-shirts that I have kept with me for the last 5 years and hardly ever worn. I have been to college, then back home, then moved to a new city for work, and yet I have carried the baggage of those clothes with me everywhere. Today I gathered the courage to let them go. They are not fancy or expensive clothes that should take courage to let go off, but just a promise to myself that one day I will lose some weight and fit into them, one day I will buy something matching and wear them. But I never did. And I know I never will. It’s better to give them away to someone who needs them and will actually wear them.

Isn’t this moving on? Moving on from some baggage of your past? Which you don’t know why you have held onto for so long, but yet you do. It takes courage to even let go off something this small sometimes but when you do, you feel amazing!

My First Solo Trip

The first question the world asked me when I told them that I was going alone was why. Why did I even have to go alone? I gave them a number of reasons like nobody was willing to go with me and that I didn’t want to end my trip just because I was alone. But post the trip, I think that was not the entire reason. I actually wanted to go on a solo trip. Not because I wanted to explore my life, contemplate, figure out my issues, to get over a breakup, not any of those reasons. I just wanted to understand what all the hype surrounding a solo trip is about. Why is our generation so hell bent on going on solo trips, why is it something that everyone should do once in their lifetime? Well, I would say that I got some answers. Let me tell them to you along with the story of my trip.

I was so nervous in the beginning, that boarding a flight from Hyderabad seemed impossible. Every small discomfort used to scare me. And then when I finally made it to Goa, I got to know that there was a big taxi strike going on, making commute very difficult. And I had booked my resort on a very offbeat beach, which was going to take some good amount of traveling and effort. After hiring a taxi which charged me double the money and left me somewhere near Margao and then getting an auto from there, that left me 1 km away from my resort, I finally made it there. It was called Majestic Beach resorts, situated on Varca beach. The resort was good. There were small huts instead of rooms, with a small garden in front of every hut. The ambience was amazing. There was also a private entrance to the beach from the resort.

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I spent an entire day just lying on that beach, reading a book, sipping wine, eating, listening to songs and just enjoying the view. There were times when I craved to talk to somebody and that’s why I was on my phone for a large amount of time.

I did not interact with a lot of new people, I did not make everlasting friends, I did not go to unexplored places in the city, nor did I find the meaning of life. And I would say that these things are overrated in a solo trip. But I did do whatever I wanted to do the entire time. Every small detail of the trip was defined by me and me alone. And it felt good.

I have been an indecisive person my entire life and so living on the edge and taking impulsive decisions on my own regarding what I wanted to do the very next moment was exciting. Solo trips can be a really healthy exercise for indecisive people like me because you have to take some decisions all the time, and you don’t have anyone to discuss them with. You just have to trust your judgement and do what you want. You learn how to figure out what you want, how to decide.

It did get a little boring occasionally, because there was a lot of time on hand, with very less things to do, and not many people around to talk to. Intoxication was out of question. I did pass my time by just walking, looking at the sunset, eating, watching television, reading as well. It was a little strange in the beginning, to roam around in a new city on your own, but you get used to that after sometime.

What I learnt?

  1. It’s not necessary to make a lot of new friends or talk to strangers on a solo trip.
  2. It’s not necessary to go to unexplored places in the city and perfectly ok to sit in one place the entire time and relax.
  3. You don’t have to sit and contemplate but you can sleep and get your body cycle in line.
  4. It’s wise to carry a selfie stick or a good camera if you want to click pictures because you cannot ask strangers to take a lot of pictures of you all the time
  5. As you are going alone, do confirm before going that everything is ok in the city. I was almost stuck there due to the taxi strike and it cost me so much money to travel from one place to another.
  6. Carry things with you that will help you pass the time.
  7. Don’t listen to them. Go and see for yourself what a solo trip is actually like. Every person has their own story to tell after every trip.

Solo trips are not meant to change you, but just to teach you that you can take care of your problems on your own, that you can have your meals all alone, that you can probably deal with anything all alone. And I think that is how it changes people, or brings a difference in their lives, because you finally realize that you can live alone after all, you don’t need to depend on anyone for anything, just be nice to people in case you need their help 😛

Gone with the wind, a novel way ahead of its time

I had this book in my shelf for months but whenever I used to look at the huge volume of pages, I used to accept that I am never ever going to read that and used to curse the day when I purchased it. But then one fine day, I finally gathered enough courage to start reading this book and was never able to put it down. Yes it took me a lot of time. But it is one of the best books that I have ever read.

Despite being a classic, it was written in such an easy English, unlike other classics. It was not so challenging to understand and it just improved my vocabulary with the amazing use of words in it. The way of writing it was such that you could just not put it down. And it was not even because it has an “amazing plotline” because there is no plot as such. It’s a big tale stretched over years. So the thing that made this so amazing to read was how easily you could read pages after pages and not realise. This is one brilliant way of story telling.

Scarlett O’Hara. The person around which the entire book is centred. I would not lie, I did not like this character for a very long time. Probably just because of how mean she was to the only person who loved her the most in the entire book. But that moment when she realises how silly she had been all these years and how deeply she actually loved that person, it just made me fall in love with her. And I also felt quite sorry for her. But it just makes you feel that there are people in our lives that we start taking for granted and when we do realise their value, it’s always too late.

There are many more reasons to admire Scarlett honestly She had done enough things in her lifetime to win appreciation. She single handedly managed to feed her entire family during the hard times. And she went against all the norms of the society to achieve that, without caring what others thought. Her only concern was to provide for her family and so she gave up the life of comfort and just concentrated on working hard. Though she was mean to many people, but she we smart enough to judge who would be of help to her and knew how to take advantage of them. Maybe it’s not the best quality, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And she was so brave and so strong. And so young! Despite that she just kept her head up and did what she had to. I think this book captures the exact essence of women empowerment.

Also I am in total awe of how this book showed the remnant of the war, how families are torn and broken because of war. It was heart wrenching to see how everyone had to go and participate in the war, irrespective of whether they wanted to or not, but it was their duty enforced on them, because they owed their nation. And how their families had no means of communication with them and they just had to wait in long queues every other week to hear the names of people who are still alive and based on that declare that their loved ones dead. We do not realise the value of our families in the kind of environment we are brought up, but I hope that that will change with growing up.

And most of all, I was captured by the beauty of that time, how simple everything was. I really want to go and experience what life used to be like before technology took over. I am sure it must have been tough but people used to survive so it mustn’t have been that bad.

The best lesson that I have learnt from this book:

After all, tomorrow is another day

FYI, this isn’t procrastination, it’s an amazing attitude towards things where you know how to get your head straight and make a plan to do things in a better way instead of worrying right now. You really have to read this masterpiece to understand the depth of this one line and I would totally recommend that.

An almost impossible trip to Goa

Here in India, it is believed that every person should go to Goa with their friends in college. Here in India, it is also believed that a plan involving Goa is never ever successful. This is a story of how I, along with 2 more friends, barely managed a trip to Goa in our college final year and how it changed our lives.

It was our college ritual, where everyone goes to Goa with their friends in their Final year. We had witnessed this since first year and this was on the top of our bucket list. We started our planning in December itself (of Final year of course!), asking a lot of random girls who would be interested because Indian parents generally do not allow their kids to go on trips. And this trip had all kinds of reasons for our parents to refuse. It was an all girls trip. It was a trip to Goa. It was around 1500km far away from home.
Somehow we managed 10 people who agreed to go. We booked our train tickets and hotels for a week-long stay in March.  People had even started to shop. We went back to college from the winter vacation and then slowly and steadily things started to go wrong.
People started to back out from the plan. We lost our tickets and then realized that someone had got them cancelled and taken a refund which resulted in even more people backing out as nobody wanted to spend more money on booking the tickets, which were costlier due to approaching dates and the dates being during the holiday season. Finally, only 3 of us were left. With no hope and heavy hearts, we tried to convince our parents to let us 3 go and magically they agreed. So finally we were GOING  TO GOA!


It was a fun-filled ride, starting from the train journey till the very end. The train journey was mostly full of playing card games, listening to songs (a typical Indian train journey), gossiping and sharing stories. You can assume that we had shared enough stories on that one day that even if we were not very close before the trip, we had become the best of friends in those few hours.
We took a Rajdhani from Delhi to Goa, which started in the noon of 20th March 2016, and we reached Goa on the afternoon of 21st March. We took an auto/cab from the station to our hotel, which was situated at a walking distance from the Candolim beach. The name of our hotel was Casablanca. As we had made the bookings for 10 people, we had plenty of extra rooms. So we checked into 2 balcony rooms, side by side, where one room could serve as our “getting ready area” and the other room could be used for sleeping.
We hired two scooties, changed into new clothes and went out to explore the world. We travelled all the way to Arambol beach on that day. We reached there and straightaway went to sit in a shack because we were told that this is what people usually do in Goa, hang around in shacks. We had some food there. And then we went out for a stroll on the beach. It was a very calm beach, with not a lot of rush. You could see a lot of foreigners
there with stalls. We just walked around for sometime, got our feet in the sand and the sea and watched that beautiful sunset. It was the first of many more sunsets to come. The breeze felt amazing. There were some beautifully decorated restaurants there. We came back to the stalls. One guy was playing the bongo drum there and a lot of people had gathered around. We just sat and listened to him play for sometime. Then we made our way back to the hotel.
We went to club LPK (Love Passion Karma) later that night. It was a beautiful place situated beside a lake (or some water body). We had some food and beer there and then we left to meet some friends at the Calangute beach. There was a different kind of thrill being out on the road that late at night. And the entire experience of being on a beach so late, looking at the moon reflecting on the sea, with light breeze in the air, it just takes you over.

22nd March: The next day we went to Vagator beach in the noon. It was also a little far away from our hotel. That beach was a little rocky as compared to the other beaches we saw. But it was fun to climb on those rocks. After spending sometime on the beach and clicking some pictures, we just went to a shack nearby to have some snacks. Then we went about exploring the local shops near that beach. We located a Tattoo shop and thought of getting a temporary tattoo because permanent tattoo was way out of our scope at that time. We chose some butterfly design and one by one sat down to get that tattoo done.
It was almost sunset time and we were really eager to see the sunset from the top of Chapora fort. So we drove our scooties at full speed after the tattoo and ran atop the Chapora fort hill and barely managed on time. We sat down at the edge of the fort, our feet dangling from a great height. In front of us was the vast sea and the sun slowly drowning in that sea. It was a beautiful sight and the fact that we were there at the exact time made it all the more special. There is a thing when you share some amazing moments with some people, you create a special bond with them. I think something really clicked within us at that time.
After that we went to the famous Curley’s on Anjuna beach to be a part of the rave party, though none of us was a rave person back then. There is no special entry fee for girls anywhere so it was very easy for us to get inside the party. There we realized that everyone was very much high on drugs and were lost in a trance. We tried our best to copy people and dance funnily but after sometime we realized it was not our cup of tea and we made our way back to the Candolim. There we stopped at 10 Downing Street for dinner. We had never heard of that place before but just saw lasagna as the special item that night and so decided to try that. That was one amazing lasagna BTW. We could hear a lot of Bollywood music coming from a room sort of inside that restaurant and we went in to explore, and that’s when we got to know there was a pub there and it was Bollywood night. We danced our hearts away after that, like literally!

23rd March: The next day was booked for water sports. So we went to Baga beach in the afternoon and got ourselves a good deal for the water sports. There was Banana ride, Jet ski, Parasailing, Ringo ride to name a few. We were really scared at first, but when we got into the feel, they were actually very much fun! For Parasailing, we were taken deep into the sea on a mini ship. After that, at the time of returning, the guy asked if anyone wants to jump into the water. Me and my friend agreed. So we got to stay in the middle of the Arabian Sea for about 5 minutes, with a mini ship standing above our heads, but boy was it fun!! It made me feel like a daredevil, swimming in the middle of the sea and all.
At night we went to Club Cabana with some more college friends. We had a few drinks and just hanged around with them.

24th March: The next day, our hotel shifted us to suit rooms, 2 suit rooms actually. And so we took double the usual amount of time to get ready because we just couldn’t get over the beautiful room and it was so much effort to get out of there. When we finally managed to get our asses off the bed and got ready, we went to see a church, Basilica of Bom Jesus. It is probably the most famous church in Goa, with a great history associated with it. After that, we decided to go for a cruise. Not casino, just a normal cruise. So they just took around in a ship for about 1 hour, where we just cruised on the Arabian Sea. The cruise people had some fun events planned, like a group of dancers performed different folk dances of Goa. Then there was DJ as well.
After the cruise, we returned to Candolim and then again went to 10 Downing street for dinner as they had a Karaoke night. We participated in Karaoke there. We even got that recorded. It was my first Karaoke ever.
Later that night, we asked around if there is any place suitable to watch the sunrise and our hotel receptionist told us that there is one fort, Aguada Fort, which is not very far from Candolim. He even promised to wake us up in the morning.

25th March: The receptionist tried his best to wake us up, but we just convinced ourselves that sleep was more important. So we went to see the Aguada Fort in the middle of the day and it was not a very good decision as it was very hot. After exploring the fort, we thought that as it was our last day in Goa, we should spend the rest of the day leisurely. We rented beds on Candolim beach, drinking lemon sodas and just watching the sea. That beach was madly crowded on that day, I must tell you. We tried shopping in the evening for our friends and families.
At night, we went to Tito’s Lane for partying in one of the best night clubs of Goa. We even met few nice gentlemen, whom we helped in getting couple entry into the club (because apparently stags are not allowed anywhere!). Then again, we danced the night away. Then we went to the Baga beach for sometime, like for a goodbye of sorts and then came back to the hotel and packed our bags as we had to leave early in the morning.

26th March: We caught our flight to Delhi, with a good 8 hours layover in Bangalore, continuing the stories that could not be completed in the entire 5 days trip.

Well that was the end of it. There were many things that this trip taught me, like March is not the best time to visit Goa because it’s very hot. We had become very tan by the end of the trip and the Sunscreens only help to some level. I also learnt that Goa is not all about booze and drugs. You can have fun and you can party without any of these things. And I really mean it. I have partied a lot after this trip and all I am left with the other day is hangover and a blackout, where I am trying to join the dots about what really happened on the previous night. I am really grateful that my Goa trip is still crystal clear in my head and that is how I am able to write so much about it even after 1.5 years. And trust me, I remember a lot more, I just removed a lot of boring details.
And the most important thing, an all Girls trip is the best!

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Fun fact: After around 1.25 years of this trip, all three of us got together and decided to get tattooed. And thus on May 21, 2017 we got our first permanent tattoo together as a symbol to the bond that was created on this trip. I have been on many trips with a lot of friends, but I cannot even begin to express how different and special this trip was for me, for all of us. And this is why we decided to ink it on ourselves that the friendship that got strengthened so much on this trip, the friendship that we are continuously maintaining despite staying in different cities, will stay 🙂

Work life balance?

I just finished reading a book about an office Christmas party and how that one night changed the lives of a lot of people. It was a kind of story that could easily be made into a chick flick, something that I would love to watch with my girl friends. But the feeling that I was left with at the end of the book was something totally different. The story revolved around different people in a big oil company, and the families of those people, how the wives of big corporate tycoons were left alone in their marriage because their husbands were too busy climbing up the big corporate ladder, even if a man could see that his marriage was falling apart, his job came first. Though this mostly surrounded married men in their 50s and 60s, I couldn’t deny the fact that most of our generation is heading towards a life like that, where our jobs come before everything else.

I have been in the job industry for around 1.5 years. I have a lot of friends around, we have fun, we party. Even the people in my office are very fun loving and I hang out with them as well. All my weekends are spent lazing around at home, doing nothing at all. But I won’t deny that I am constantly worried about work. I am never at peace even during the weekend, while I am on a trip, even when I am visiting my parents. Every Friday I leave office at a decent time, promising myself that I will finish the pending work over the weekend. There is no deadline that my manager has given me, there is absolutely no rush, but I have burdened myself with all this pressure that when I am not doing anything related to work, or working on the skills that are required for work, I start feeling guilty. If someone asks me to go out during the day on Saturday, my first feeling is that I have a lot of work. But there is no justification of what work I have or how that is even important.

This is my state when I am just starting my career, with no responsibilities. I think that with this kind of mentality at this stage, I am just preparing myself for a future where I might put everything behind my job, and I couldn’t be more wrong. We always end up blaming our companies that we are burdened with so much work that there is no scope for a work life balance, but in this world with this cut throat competition, is there ever a chance? With so many aims and aspirations of excelling at everything that we do, and the hardwork that needs to reach that stage in life, can we ever find peace? Are we heading towards a future where we have no life?